Axe To Grind: The Paris Problem

This is not an article I wanted to write. I'd rather be writing a speculative article that discusses the various possible gowns that would work for Angelina Jolie in the Oscars. Heck, I even got a clickworthy headline for it, something like: Mindblowing! 17 Gowns Angelina Jolie Could Rock In The Upcoming Oscars! Number 7 is perfect!

Mindboggling!

In fact, the most I posted on social media was this excellent article on Brain Pickings where Tolstoy and Gandhi rationally discuss the reasons behind such acts of cruelty. It's a rare piece where a completely rational article yields an emotionally satisfying outcome and is really worth reading. 

I have several reasons for not wanting to write about Paris. Paris is a city that holds a special place in my heart, with its open celebration of art and beauty. As a fan of metal, and music in general, it was extra upsetting to see that music lovers were targeted, knowing that if I, or several of my friends had been in Paris on that day, we may have very well been at Le Bataclan when things went down. It's not advisable to write when you're in an emotional state of mind. While you may write something truly moving, often the end result is irrational drivel. 

No! Not more irrational drivel! (I love Math jokes)

Besides. My previous article was about Spider-Woman's butt. What's a serious discussion about terrorism doing next to that? Where's the balance? 

WHERE is it? WHERE'S THE BALANCE?

But my biggest reason for keeping shut was because I felt that anything I said would make no difference. Granted, there were several very touching posts and artistic tributes for Paris and the victims of the attacks. Several people changed their profile picture or simply posted a relevant hashtag; maybe because they don't know how to express themselves, maybe because they're trying to cash in on a trend, I don't know. It doesn't matter. I try not to read to much into it and neither should anyone else, because either way there's no harm done. And I think that just maybe seeing the whole Internet getting behind them may have made at least a few Parisians feel better on what must have been a terribly cold night. But I don't know. Personally, I didn't think it was enough. 

Until these asshats started popping up in my feed. I wish I had the stomach of a buzzfeed writer, so I could post an eyeroll gif, or one of those very subtle head shake gifs, maybe a gif of Benedict Cumberbatch raising just one eye brow. But I hate gifs. The only gif I will ever post is a gif of a person hacking a gif to death. If anybody has that gif please give it to me. Anyway, these asshats:

If you are one of these asshats, and you are offended by the word asshat, fuckface is available. If that offends you too, then hear me out, and maybe be less of a fuckface/asshat in the future. You are, of course, welcome to call into question my logic, defend yourselves, or swear back, but hear me out first, and maybe you'll come out of it saying,"Man, pre-article me was such an asshat/fuckface! I'm glad I'm not that guy anymore!"

Additional debatable questions: "Is there too much (attempted) humour in this article?" and "Is this guy even funny?"

I really need to stop avoiding the point. 

People like the ones above started showing up with increasing frequency, and then I read this New York Times article about how journalists and politicians are using the events that transpired for political propaganda. That's what made me choose to write. If this article gets even one asshat to remove his stupid ass hat, then I'd feel like I've done something decent. Not great, maybe not even useful, just decent. 

Truth is, I too am guilty of asshattery, but I kept my mouth shut about it. I never understood why people from my country would post things on 9/11 anniversaries, when our country has had several major terrorist attacks over the past two decades even. Our friendly neighbourhood Pakistan is much worse off than us. Further west, in Afghanistan, things are unthinkably bad. But Paris made me realise something. Terrorism, particularly of the Islamic variety, in its own cute way, brings people together. More so than Ebola. More so than poverty. Why? I don't know. Maybe because terrorism gives us a physical presence to be angry at, maybe its more emotionally affecting than the slow death caused by disease, heck, I've heard people claim that its because guns are sexier than hungry children. Possibly it's because of the love-hate relationship that people have with religion, but this is a question best left to smarter people than me. 

Where do I figure on your sexiness scale, asshat?

Granted, there are several valid points that some asshats could have definitely raised in a better manner, such as, where were the hashtags when Beirut was attacked just a day before Paris? The tendency is to answer this with something irritating and whiny like, "People care only about white/beautiful/American/European/Utopian Space people/cities". Read the above sentence again in an annoying nasal voice if you didn't do it the first time. I'm pretty sure that that's what the Internet would sound like if it could speak. Anyway, I heartily disagree with that. It should be pretty obvious that the people know what they see on the news, or on news sites. And the news generally likes to show people what they think they would rather see: happy things happening at happy places (Paris), and then sad things happening at happy places (Paris again! 2/2!). It doesn't take much of an imagination to see that this would be more shocking than something sad happening in a place where sad things happen. Which is terribly sad. There is no point in blaming the media or people in general though. In fact, to the people asking the question "Where was everyone when X problem happened?" Where were you, asshat? Where were your hashtags? In this day and age it isn't too difficult to spread awareness about an issue. If you have a problem with something, please, talk about it, spread awareness, do whatever the hell you want to. There is no need to use an unrelated tragedy as a shoutbox for a problem that you did nothing about, or any problem at all, for that matter. In fact, in the wake of such a high profile incident, other lesser known incidents will easily gather attention, provided the person they're hearing about it from isn't whining or trying to start a pissing contest over the highest number of dead bodies in a tragedy. Just because someone does something good for Paris, does it really mean they don't give a shit about Lebanese people? I'm not saying racists don't exist. They just don't exist at the scale these people like to claim that they do. This has less to do with spreading awareness, and more to do with looking like a smartass. 

A puppy break, to calm down.

Another question, that's far more complicated. Should we be "praying" for Paris? Isn't that what got us into this mess the first place? This whole religion thing? Isn't there anything else we can do? This is a question I can appreciate. What DO we do about religion? What else CAN we do? I honestly don't know the answers to the latter question, but I can guess at the former question. Religion as I see it has never really been about the granting of wishes. It's about taking comfort in the idea that there is a higher power that cares about you, and this higher power has given you a purpose in a life that seems devoid of any. A purpose of love. That some people somehow misunderstand the word love to mean massacre innocents for not massacring innocents (also known as having different beliefs) does not mean everybody doesn't see love as love. And if it takes religion for so many people to love others then so be it. It's a concept that doesn't require a god, and it's purpose enough, I think. To get everyone to care about everyone else.  If you don't like the idea, stop complaining about how religion does nothing but harm (untrue), when you're doing nothing. 

If we as a human race don't remember to love each other, or just learn to chill a bit about everything, just remember. Nuclear warfare is a button push away. And that doesn't sound like the kinda loving anybody really wants. My point is. Everybody really oughta stop being such assholes about everything. Even me. Guys, I'm sorry about earlier. When I called you all asshats, or even fuckfaces. Really. Lets all just get along. If we all got along, I don't see why any problem would prove more resilient than that fucking mosquito on my fucking leg right now (fucking monsoon). See, I just killed the little bugger. More may show up, but why should they be any harder to kill? Heck. If we all got along, then we'd be friends with the bloodsuckers, and we wouldn't have to fight them at all. There wouldn't be a problem in the first place. 

I'm sorry for the crap that you had to go through Paris. And I'm sorry that we haven't been paying enough attention to you, rest of the world. I for one, will try to be more understanding. Thanks for having me.